Last night I got asked, “Why don’t you ever have a man?” And honestly there’s no simple answer to that other than, “I’m waiting on God’s best.” He isn’t perfect he’s just perfect for me. I made a pact with God after my last relationship and said “I don’t want to date until the one you have for me is revealed.” Needless to say I didn’t think that I’d be still #LivingSingle 5 years later. On this journey of waiting and working I have realized a few things.
I recently posted this picture on Instagram about dealing with insecurities and silencing the voices that give life to them. These are often what the negative voices in my head sound like:
- “Your forehead is TOO BIG”
- “Your nose is TOO BIG”
- “One eye opens wider than the other, THAT’S NOT CUTE.”
- “The dark circles under your eyes NEED to be covered up”
- “You’re not PRETTY ENOUGH, let alone beautiful.”
Unfortunately, these are only things on my face. I don’t think this post is long enough for me to go through everything head to toe. Though these voices come way more often than I’d like them to, there are also times I think “I’m gorgeous!” This statement rarely ever comes, but is often not followed by one of the above insecurity statements. Lately, I’ve only felt “gorgeous” or “pretty” with make-up on. I had a period of breakouts, followed by hyperpigmentation that I “had” to cover up. My face was no longer the face I felt comfortable with last summer when I stopped wearing foundation. It was one now that created extra insecurities based on something I was desperately trying to control and reverse, that I couldn’t. Last night was the first time in the last 2 months that I went somewhere besides the bodega or laundromat without a full face of makeup on. I actually felt beautiful with just brows and mascara, not even a bit of highlight.